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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Popping my blogger's cherry.

Have I blogged before? no.
Is blogging one of the stupidest things I have encountered on the internet? yes.
Am I blogging now? yes.
Am I embarrased? yes.

I feel slightly naked randomly typing all of my innermost thoughts and feelings onto an internet blog site for everyone in the world to see.

Then I realize noone is reading this and/or gives a damn and I no longer care.
Basically I'm talking to myself right now.

What is blogging anyways?? Apparently you can put links on these things. and pictures?!?

It appears our forefathers sacrified their lives so that idiots can post whatever inappropriate thoughts pop into their heads onto the internet while Asians make their Nike shoes.


I'm being sarcastic with that last hooray there. in case their was any confusion.

So why am I blogging if I think it is so stupid? one might ask.

Well, dear reader(s?? maybe???) It is because I am bored. It is 2:30 in the morning, I can't sleep,and I need to vent about how annoying life is.

Also I have a cold. and my nose drippies are everywhere. On my face, my hands, the keyboard, you get the general idea. It's a shitshow up in here. Or should i say snotshow. har har.

Pardon my manners, allow me to introduce myself.

I'm Chelsea. I would tell you my last name but I am scared you are a serial killer. but there are lots of Chelsea's out there though so i feel like thats fine. I am a senior in college (I would tell you where, but once again, scared you're a serial killer) I need to do an extra semester though because I'm an idiot who switched majors from neuroscience to journalism. (I'm sure I will rant more about this phenomenon later) I'm 22 years old. Some of my nose drippies leaked onto the computer screen. Thats gross.
I used to drink liquor. lots and lots of liquor. but now I'm giving it up for Lent. (I'm catholic...kinda...not really...I don't go to church or anything...ssshhhh don't tell my parents....but I was baptized that way...and the fam is pretty into the whole faith thing. I'm not though, No sex before marriage? I mean come on, I'm in college for cripes sake. And I watch the jersey shore. Im a lost cause)

Anyways, I'm giving up alcohol for lent, not as a plea to the gods or anything, but because I'm worried I might have a problem with it.

I've never told anyone that before.

But now I'm announcing it to the world...on the internet....soo....thats retarded.

Alcohol. It's put me in some pretty bad places, ruined some pretty good friendships, and basically made me look like a lunatic to those around me.

Did I mention I'm an angry drunk??

Ya.... so... that's not good.

But sometimes I'm a fun drunk.

It depends who I'm with and my mood.

Which is the weird thing.

So I'm not sure if I have a problem or not.

But a girl I work with (who is like 25 and attends AA meetings...soo....yep...those are my coworkers....for my "internship") says that I shouldn't label myself as an alcoholic or not.  Which is fine by me as I'd rather not be "labeled" as an alcoholic by society.

She told me that I should give up drinking for a period of time, and then slowly ease back into having a drink here or there until I can relearn drinking and establish a better drinking style.  I feel like this won't be hard considering my current drinking style which is give me the bottle, let me finish the bottle, and then we will go out. (Sometimes I pass out before we leave though...sooo...omg writing that makes me feel like I have a problem.)

Anyways, I'm going to document my amazing journey from lush to pile of sober fun.

It should be a blast.

40 days and 40 nights of soberness.

At least Jesus got to drink wine.

That's a little bit inapproriate. I'm sorry bible lovers of the world, who are probably not reading this anyway.

Soo here it is. The plan for this blog. The blog that will change the world and probably get made into a movie with stars like Kim Kardashian, or a porno, with stars like Kim Kardashian.

I'm sorry I do love the Kardashians.

and Bruce.

Ok, here's the plan now.

Question: Why do I have the intense urge to drink everytime I hang out with my friends?
Answer: Because my friends are dumb sluts.

Question: Why do I have the intense urge to drink everytime I come home from work?
Answer: Because I work with idiots and some senile old people. Who talk an ungodly amount about Billy Ray Cyrus, which disturbs me.

Question: Why do I have the intense urge to drink everytime I drive somewhere?
Answer: Too many Asians have cars.

I'm sorry Asians. I love you. You dress so cute.

In conclusion, I am surrounded by retards and need to vent about said retards via my blog.
In theory, this will help me restrain from drinking and not start doing crack.

So in every blog post there will be some categories. Here they are:

Stupidest and/or funniest quote I've heard today:

That's the only category I have thought of so far. But I will add more.maybe. (unless I get lazy and just completely forget about this blog and stop posting. Which is actually pretty probable)

After the categories I will talk about whatever the fuck is going through my head and you imbeciles are gonna listen. or read i mean. or just go to a different website. which would piss me off.

Also, I may say offensive things in my posts. and for this I am sorry. My problems with idiots of all races and nationalities are not in anyway symbolizing of any racism I may have. I assure you I hate everybody and not just a single group. 

That being said, you people need to deal with it. This is my blog so go suck it.

Stop reading if you don't like it, I don't care. No one is reading now and I don't care. I'm still trucking along, typing shit.

So ya, now I'm tired so I'm gonna go. But I'll post again soon.

ooooh I'm gonna try and put a link on here now


It's just a link to Google, so it probably won't help you.
If it does help you, then, that's weird.

If this link is the only way you know how to get to Google then you are a sad, sad human being.


  1. I just decided that the categories I am posting at the beginning of my blog are going to be called "Drink Specials." and they are going to have corny but amusing names. Like "Rum and Cunt" instead of Rum and Coke. Which is totally brilliant that I just made that up right now. So yep. thats happening. get excited.

  2. hey chelsea! :) welcome to blogging. i must say, you're blog sounds interesting. i can't wait to hear more :)... and don't worry, i'm not a serial killer in case you're wondering.

    i don't even know how i got onto this blog haha. it just magically appeared in my google reader somehow and i clicked on it and read it, and it sounded interesting, so hey, maybe i'll be your first follower :)
    i'm looking forward to hearing more!

  3. Welcome to sober life! ha enjoy the ride :)